omelettefordinner

13mo:

*running down foggy street dodging monsters personified of my sins* aaaaa lol

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tockthewatchdog:

if you’re a lesbian just “is this a date”

(via eatyourveggieswitheverymeal)

beetledrink:

i got my DNA test results and theyre negative

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dankmemeuniversity:

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suspiciouscoconut:

thebibliosphere:
thebibliosphere:
thebibliosphere:
thebibliosphere:
thebibliosphere:
thebibliosphere:
Mark the electrician has been here for five minutes and he’s already said “well that’s…weird” twice from the other room and frankly I’m afraid to ask.
It’s not good when skilled tradesman are standing in the middle of your room pinching the bridge if their nose, is it?
Mark just referred to the wiring in our bedroom as “creative” and “interesting”.
This is fine.
And now he’s taking apart the ceiling. I’m not worried, are any of you worried? I’m not, haha, it’s not like this house was previously owned by someone who would do something stupid like try to wire their house themselves…or store tins of varnish under the furnace behind a secret alcove…
Ha ha…
Ha.
Hm.
Fuck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S NO NEUTRAL WIRES??!?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S GROUNDED INTO THE SCREWS HOLDING UP THE CEILING LIGHT???!?!!
This post crosses my dashboard every so often and every time, I’m reminded of when I discovered that my whole house was grounded to a gas line.
Good times.

(via eatyourveggieswitheverymeal)

teainawineglass:

fifty-shadesofgay:
dankmemeuniversity:
i just astral projected back to 2009
Holy shit

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iron-alloy-man:

jujuoh:
I said dark magician instead of mcchicken and I can never go to this mcdonalds again
As a McDonalds manager, all i can ask is, Did you want that in Defense mode?

(via eatyourveggieswitheverymeal)

personalgrowthforsale:

lemonvortex:
lemonvortex:
Women on twitter are sharing weird things theyve seen in bathrooms at guys houses and im fucking screaming why are men like this
ONE OF THEM HAD A GARDEN HOSE INSTEAD OF A SHOWERHEAD BYE
Why do women hate innovation?

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breastforce:

having both depression and anxiety

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ironmanstan:

darkwhiteisacolor:
ironmanstan:
fml-shar:
ironmanstan:
best life advice is to not fuck with people named after a month
who hurt you
april from teenage mutant ninja turtel
turtel
oh sorry didnt realise this was a spelling bee

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betwitchd:

I was drawn to witchcraft because it’s the only profession where a woman is acknowledged across-the-board as being at the top of her career when she’s an ancient and wrinkly hermit and that’s everything I aspire to be.

(via eatyourveggieswitheverymeal)